The Impending Thought of College

Feb. 3, 2019

It's all anyone can talk about these days, and honestly, the only thing I am able to talk about at all at this point.

Our guidance counselor came in a couple weeks ago, to remind us about the college process. As if I could forget that I need to take my SATs at least twice and ACTs are similar enough that if you didn't want to take it, that's okay. Make sure you get over 1300, then you can guarantee your admission to any school you want with those high grades of yours. Don't forget to study for at least half an hour a day so your score increases if you aren't happy with it. Isn't it nervewracking to think that the rest of your life is dependent on numbers and statistics that will be skimmed over once at most? Is this the same thing that is on the mind of every junior I know? Are they thinking the same thing as I?

Where do we go after high school? Do we just fall off the map after we stroll the halls for the very last time? I wouldn't know, not yet, and I'm not planning to very soon. The purple lockers and the yellow walls only make me slightly nauseous, but perhaps one day I'll look back on the spread of open doors in the junior hallway. At this point, I only know my life up until part way through junior year. I never thought I'd get to this point in time and that just makes me slightly nervous.

There's a lot left of my junior year and all of the next year to think about. The internship is one of the things I need to think about as a junior and I'm not going to lie, I am stressed about it. I am excited to see where I end up, and I pray that I get this internship that I want so bad. If I receive this internship, I will be incredibly happy. However, if I don't, I will continue to try harder to find another internship.

Believe it (or not, or just accept the nonstarter) there's a slight fear I hold in my heart going into senior year in the fall. I am not tall at all, and I can't even try or fake putting up my shoulders because what will that do for me? This fear that nestled itself in the pits of my brain will always remind me my height will hinder me through every part of my life; even though I know it's not true.

Don't be afraid if you see a girl about ye big and ye small on your college campus. No, she's not a wandering kindergartener from the local elementary school, she's just your average (maybe not so much my height) undergrad trying to get an education.